Angry Bob

Happy effin’ New Year.

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Well, Verizon FiOS was an interesting experiment. While I was promised by the sales people at Verizon that they could duplicate what I have with Brighthouse, the reality proved to be much different.

It seems Verizon has a screwball notion that the only way they can offer a static IP (something I need for the website and mail server) to its customers is through a business account. They do not offer anything like Brighthouse’s Virtual Office (a home office solution), and their business accounts cannot offer FiOS TV! After talking with numerous folks at Verizon and hearing no legitimate technical explanation I can only assume this stems from a self-inflicted policy.

So it’s back to Brighthouse. I did get to experience FiOS TV for less than a week, though. The picture quality was stunning. I think it’s the way to go in the future if Verizon can get the kinks out of their services.

I dropped Vonage in the process and kept telephone service through Verizon so at least we’ll be “talking on glass.”

I have my computer tied to the phone line and have it screen calls for me. Depending on who may be calling, it will let the call pass through, it might just immediately hang up, or it could deliver a message about how we do not respond to telemarketers.

Yeah, we still get calls even after placing ourselves on the Do Not Call list – the energy to track the bastards down is more effort than I’m willing to spend, especially since I’ve got my computer to give them an earful for me.

The program I run on my computer is PhoneTrayFree. It is for your phone, it resides in your system tray (if you use Windows – otherwise you’re shit out of luck) and you need a modem card.

I found an excellent message to deliver to persistent assholes appropriately called “Dial An Asshole”. It goes like this in a professional and authoritative male voice:

“Thank you for calling Dial-An-Asshole. All of our assholes are currently assisting other assholes. To receive a free copy of our quarterly newsletter ‘The Anal Retentive’ please leave your name and number at the beep and the first available asshole will return your call promptly. Have a Shitty day.”

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Of course they never get a beep to leave a message. If this message sounds intriguing and you would like a copy, email me and I’ll send it to you. On the other hand, if this is copyrighted and needs to be so attributed, let me know that also.

I knew it was a hit not long after my sister-in-law left our number as a contact with her credit union. She fell behind in her payments and they started calling us. I let them know her number and asked them to stop calling me. When they didn’t, they got the “Dial-An-Asshole” treatment.

The first time they got the message we received five more calls in quick succession from the same number. I immediately knew what had happened. The first caller got such a kick out of it he/she passed it on to his/her mates saying “You’ve got to hear this!”

Technology can be so much fun when it works for the right reasons.

Oh – and F*ck you, asshole callers. My phone is not your playground, it is my playground and I’ll screw with you any way I want.

I was pissed. I was God Damned pissed. In the midst of the most needed patriotic support this nation ever aspired to, here is a site dedicated to the sacrifices of pilots past and present and it has mostly gone ignored.

I watched in dismay as this site lay fallow for many years. It was a favorite of mine if for nothing else than the excellent monthly wallpapers they freely offered, but more so for the personal stories related by those who really lived it.

I just now revisited the site and have discovered a revitalization. YES!

If you are any kind of an aviation buff, if you were ever a pilot in any American war, if you are a patriot of any kind, please visit and support this site.

Visit it here and now!

To anyone who is expecting to use a fog machine this holiday:

“…The warning I received, you can take it with however many grains of salt you wish, that the [Fog Solution from Gemmy] that is circulating around us is not specifically too good. It’s suggested that you do stay away from that. Of course it’s your own trip, so be my guest, but please be advised there is a warning on that one OK?” (Woodstock reference for you youngsters)

Kidding aside, I’ve burned through six machines of various makes and models before I realized the only common denominator was the Fog Solution distributed by Gemmy.

Being that this is my first experience with fog machines, I didn’t know they weren’t supposed to blanket half the neighborhood with smoke before they clogged and became ruined.

I just found out from a Walmart employee that there is a massive recall of all Gemmy Fog Solution – it disappeared from the shelves of every store in the Tampa area, Walmart or not.

The last remaining machine I sacrificed for one last test – thinking that (because of the excessive smoke) the Gemmy solution was too thick, I tried a diluted sample of 1 part Gemmy to 3 parts distilled water.

Sorry to say – Instant death.

Stay away from the Brown A.. err the Gemmy Fog Solution!!