Angry Bob

I just listened to Warren Zevon’s album “Bad Luck Streak in Dancing School” and was reminded of a time past. A specific and obscure point where time stands still, but dilates both forward and backward.

This exact moment was captured within the confines of a trailer, in a trailer park. What was unique was that this trailer was truly a trailer. It was short and stubby and ready to be hitched and carried away – not the least like its counterparts residing in the adjoining lots. They were of stouter origin. Wider and longer and proclaiming loudly that they were there to stay.

This trailer was different for another reason. It was my home, for now, for this night. It really wasn’t my home, it belonged to another who really didn’t own it either. But it was her home of last resort when she couldn’t find a real home of her own. And now it was my home for the very same reason. It was a bizarre moment, a place mark in time. And Warren Zevon was my background theme I carried on my hip.

I cannot remember how I got there, although I remember who invited me. She’s dead now due to circumstances both within and without my control. My own weaknesses contributed to her death. Such as not being man enough to tell my mother to shut the fuck up and take in this poor child. Two weeks after my last conversation with the girl she is dead.

Mothers response: “Well, its her own fault.” or something like that. It really doesn’t matter what the exact words were. The heartless feeling is just the same. It is the saddest moment in a son’s life when he is forced to the realization that his own mother can be a worthless lump of flesh.

Dilate past: A soul you meet in life’s journey who is more than a friend, but less than a lover even though those boundaries become confused. A way station, a safe harbor, a port in a storm. You both know you need each other desperately, but only temporarily. The need is sincere, but fleeting. Everything gained in the moment, nothing lost in the long term.

Dilate forward: Caitlin’s pure heart is dead. Years pass and after a small, somewhat intimate concert, I chance to thank Mr. Zevon for a very peculiar moment I’ll not forget. I am bowed in his presence and the best I can say is to thank him for carrying me though a rough time. He nods. His band mates exclaim “Well sure”, “That’s why we do it”, and a simple “Thanks.”

Now Warren Zevon is dead too. I’m left with a signed wristband which I’ve subsequently lost and a memory of a dear friend that will die with me.

Arguable? Maybe. There have been many dark days in human kind’s history, through natural disasters to acts of human evil, but none can compare to the absolute evil executed in peace time against civilians that took so many lives in so short a time in full view of the world.

This is a turning point in human history, of that there can be no doubt. There is an evil in this world that cannot go unacknowledged, nor unchallenged. It has woven itself into the fabric of civilized society. It is a virus that cannot be destroyed by killing its host.

The time ahead will be trying for the whole world, both for those who uphold the rights of freedom and for those who oppose it. Never in history has evil triumphed – in that the civilized world can find solace, but the triumph over evil always comes with sacrifice.

All is not dark, however. Piercing the utter blackness of this evil deed are shining beacons of hope and humanity illuminating the best in us all.

These few links are offered as uplifting and thoughtful testaments to the human spirit.

Thank You – The original collection of images from around the world.

WTC Life (dead link-see here)- A tribute to the life that was the World Trade Center.

Here is where you’ll find the photo of Firemen raising the American Flag.

Copies of this ribbon can be found here (dead link).

When the Web was new or, for many, when you were new to the Web, you would find yourself exploring this interesting world of hyperlinks – each a door leading you to new discoveries and more doors to open into even more discovery. Endless hours were wasted in aimless wandering and wonder. It was that way for me.

Now it is all so “old hat” and my time so limited that my focus has narrowed. I just seek out the information I need, tossing aside those links that lead “nowhere”, never taking the time I no longer have to explore. That is, until today. Today I wasted endless hours exploring, and am the richer for it.

I was seeking sources for Ham Radio software for Linux. A “Google Search: <Linux>” search quickly lead me to HAMSOFT. Looking at that site’s selection under digital software I found Rtty, a promising piece that was authored in Spanish. The page, however, has a link to an archived Debian-Hams mail list message containing an English translation of the documentation. Three quarters down that page is a link that introduced me to a man I never met, will never get the chance to meet, but who I’ll not soon forget.

That link lead me to a well written, extremely usable set of web applications for the design of digital and analog filters. There is also an impressive Java circuit simulator. Although the pages on their own wouldn’t win design awards, they are as clean and efficient as the applications they support. I was so intrigued by the site’s simplistic utility and seemingly complete understanding of the treated subject, I had to visit the author’s home page to find out more about him.

There at the top of the page was the saddening news that Tony Fisher had passed away a year ago last February. Tony died of cancer at the young age of 43. I realized then I was staring at a man’s life – frozen in time – as rendered in HTML. There before me lay Tony’s words and works, last updated only a month before his death.

As I browsed Tony’s site I discovered this was the work of a truly remarkable man, one who’s life was cut short in mid-stride, and someone who was as colorful as his namesake. The tribute to Tony linked to in the announcement calls him “a genuine bearded eccentric.” I’d more liken him to real Renaissance Man, a man of many talents. Reading his breadth of interests and depth of contributions, I couldn’t help but wonder if I hadn’t already been influenced by his work in some indirect way.

Tony Fisher was, at the time of his death, a lecturer in the Computer Science Department of the University of York where he taught courses on embedded microcomputer systems design, digital signal processing, and data communications. Much of his research was in radionavagation and DSP, and he had published numerous papers on the subject. Among his interests was music. He played several instruments and, notably, the Oboe for the York Symphony Orchestra, “one of the oldest amateur orchestras in the United Kingdom.” He was an avid fan of linguistics. The result of this interest is contained on his site as the complete Greek New Testament with grammatical analysis of his own design. Primarily, Tony was a devoted husband and father.

A notice on the site dated 12th December 2000 states that the site will remain for the time, and his filter design aids will be moved to a new location. Personally, I’d hate to see this site go, it would be a terrible loss that the world would never get the opportunity to know him, as I just did. There is much to explore on Tony’s site about who he was and the work that he did. It is a standing tribute and memorial to a prolific individual.

I never met the man and yet I find myself sadly missing him.