Angry Bob

So last night I told her how proud I was of her for growing up as well as she has, especially considering the gauntlet of horrid things constantly facing kids these days.

This morning I break down and ask if I could hug the little girl I know before she disappears. She looks at me blankly and says nothing. I walk away knowing this is probably the end, but she surprises me. She comes to sit on my lap and give me a big hug.

I tell her that while she is leaving as a young lady on her great adventure, and as much trouble I have dealing with it, I know it is inevitable she will return a woman. I thank her for letting me hold that little girl one last time.

As she goes I say “Be safe, be true to yourself, have fun, and come home.”

And that, I think to myself, is that. I retreat to the kitchen and try to hold myself together when she unexpectedly comes back in with open arms to give me one last hug and tell me not to worry, she would be home soon.

When she turns to leave I tell her “You never know where life will lead you, so just in case these are my last words to you, I love you.”

She looks back, gives me half a wave and a smile, says “Me too.” The door quietly clicks behind her with a deafening sound that echos throughout the home that has suddenly become just a house.

And then she is gone.

To feel that you or any human has any real effect on the grand scheme is the quintessence of hubris.

Dinosaurs lived on this planet for hundreds of millions of years before us and in a short stroke, the universe erased their existence. Mankind’s presence has been for less than an eye blink. In the face of that extraordinary display of power who the hell are we to lay claim to any sway of any kind?

We all should wake each morning and, on bended knee, give thanks for our very being because the odds are a billion to one against every one of us.

What is the point of this post? This: Shut the hell up you useless tree hugging liberals. Get off your ideological soapboxes and start living in the real world.

“The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one’s real and one’s declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.” -George Orwell

There’s a Time-Life infomercial shilling the “Greatest Country Music Ever Recorded” playing on TV right now and it disgusts me.

Hate doesn’t even plumb the depths of my revulsion for the slutty, putrid wallowing in the pig slop of everything repulsive about the most animalistic groveling nature of human kind that defines old school country music.

Not the new stuff. Since the late eighties, early nineties country music crossed over and no longer resembles its disgusting past.

But the past! Oh God how I hated it.

My father was cutting edge cool when I was a small boy in the late 50’s – early 60’s. We had a full blown mahogany piece of furniture that was a stereo record player before most others had anything like it. He played Big Band, Swing, Jazz, Folk and show tunes. I loved every bit of it (well, everything but the show tunes). If I and my brothers weren’t dancing around the room to the music, I would sit in front of the satellite speaker and feel the full force of sound take me away.

Then in the early 60’s we moved south into the Heart of Dixie, deep into the hell hole of ignorance and repression and my life turned to shit. Everyone spoke a foreign language. I was surrounded by trash.

My father went native and there was no stopping the relentless torture I was subject to through our car’s speaker. Every trip we took became an endlessly streaming hell of whining and crying pounding into my skull making me want to just rip out of my skin, jump from the car and dash headlong into oncoming traffic just to end the unholy nightmare!

Waylon Jennings, Porter Wagoner, Boxcar Willy, and the rest of you whiny bastards, I celebrate your passing.

When you’re dieing, sometimes shit just makes you think…

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Lyrics:

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
Don’t grumble, give a whistle!
And this’ll help things turn out for the best.
And…

Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the light side of life.
[whistling]

If life seems jolly rotten
There’s something you’ve forgotten
And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you’re feeling in the dumps
Don’t be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle, that’s the thing.
And…

Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling] (come on!)
Always look on the right side of life,
[whistling]

For life is quite absurd
And death’s the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin
Give the audience a grin
Enjoy it, it’s your last chance, anyhow!
So…

Always look on the bright side of death [whistling]
A-just before you draw your terminal breath.
[whistling]

Life’s a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show
Keep ‘em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And…

Always look on the bright side of life.
Always look on the right side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
(What are ya goin’ to lose ya’ know?
Ya came from nothin’, you’re goin’ back to nothin’
What have ya lost? Nothin’!)
Always look on the right side of life!
[whistling]
(Nothin’ will come from nothin’, ya know what I’m sayin’?)
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
(Cheerio ya ol’ bugger, give us a grin)
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]